I avoided all reflective surfaces – it was better for my self-esteem if I didn’t see what I looked like that day.  

During my “tween” years, all I wanted was to wake up one day without 30 red mountains on my face, especially because these weren’t just your normal hormonal pimples. They were giant, painful cysts rooted underneath layers of skin.

For hours and hours into the night, I would stay up watching YouTube videos of girls applying “flawless face” and “no-makeup” makeup routines. Writing notes, buying products, and crying until there was no makeup left on my face, I thought to myself, ‘Maybe tomorrow will be better. Maybe tomorrow my face won’t hurt if I touch it. Maybe tomorrow I won’t feel the need to leave every class to go to the bathroom with my makeup bag to make sure none of my pimples were poking through the layers of my foundation.’

It seemed as though that ‘tomorrow’ would never come.

With every new cyst that popped up, my confidence and self-worth would drop down. I avoided sleepovers and pool parties – I could not even imagine being around people when I took my makeup off before going bed or have it wash away in the perfectly chlorinated water. Together, my foundation and concealer were my shield; if I took it off, I would be vulnerable to stares, comments, and questions.

Finally, after years of suffering and hiding, I found my knight in shining armor – a medication prescribed to those with severe acne. After 6 months of taking pills daily and getting my blood tested monthly to ensure the medication didn’t mess with any of my vitals, my face began to clear up.

Now, over five years after completing my treatment, I am able to run out of my room without much of a thought about whether or not I am wearing pounds of makeup. What might seem trivial to others was a big deal for me. Just going “au natural” to my living room was hard for me to do, forget about going anywhere where non-familial eyes could stare at me.

With time on my side and my acne under control, it’s easy for me to now reflect on why I thought I needed to create a mask that became way too thick and way too comfortable. I guess my tomorrow did finally come. I feel comfortable walking outside my house with no makeup and without much thought – something I thought would never happen. I realize that I can say all of these words of wisdom now that my problem is gone. I now exist in a place of privilege, but I recognize that there are millions of people struggling with the issue I had for nearly 5 years. It is easy to say "don't wear makeup; let people see the real YOU" when you aren't afraid of what brutal things the outside world would have to say.

I could say screw “effortless perfection.” I could say I will be a warrior that doesn’t need a shield. But sadly, if for whatever reason my acne does come back, I can’t lie and say I wouldn’t be stuck watching hours of YouTube videos and spending 45 minutes each morning masking my face with concealer.

For this reason, I have changed my thought process. Makeup does not hide natural beauty, it accentuates it. So, whether you have cystic acne, any sort of ‘imperfection’ or just love Sephora so much your heart skips a beat every time you walk into the beautifully-smelled black and white store (me), you put that makeup on girl. You contour that jaw-line, arch those eyebrows, and blend that eye shadow.

Wearing makeup does not take away your status as being effortlessly beautiful. In fact, wearing makeup can be your way of fighting against effortless perfection (while beautifully contoured, of course). This is nothing to be ashamed of. It is important, however, not regard your makeup as a shield from others’ opinions, but rather use it as something to enhance you, the real you. A smile and self-confidence is the real recipe behind making you effortless.

Whether you feel most confident after you step back from your mirror and examine your fresh makeup, or when your freckles are poking through and you barely have any mascara on, keep doing you. It may sound cliché, but seriously, forget the people and social standards who define beauty as being a certain image or a certain amount of makeup.

To my girls (or guys) dealing with acne, you are not alone. The struggle of trying new over-the-counter meds every other month hoping that this will be the one that does the trick is real. Keep your head up. You are beautiful.

Strut with confidence and be effortlessly you. Leave the haters in the dust of your setting powder.

By Nikki Shoichet

Duke Student, nap enthusiast, making the world trendy one outfit at a time.