Girl is sad. Girl meets Boy. Boy rescues Girl. Girl and Boy ride off into sunset. Girl and Boy live happily ever after.

The basic plot structure of every fairytale ever, laid out in five simple sentences.

From the early days of childhood, we are fed these epic love stories: recipes for a happily ever after. But what if we’ve been given the wrong script? What if we don’t get just one epic love story? What if the love stories of our lives aren’t supposed to only co-star romantic partners?

While the story of my life has featured a revolving cast of male romantic leads, my friends have always remained a constant. They have been there for me when I’m lonely, when I’m feeling worthless, or when I simply had a bad day. Plus, they always bring Birthday Cake Halo Top and ears to vent to :)

Without my friends, I’d be lost. And I’m not alone. Friends can be our soulmates—and more practically, our emergency contacts. Who else texts me to make sure I make it home from *generic college bar* alive every Saturday night?

So why then do we spend our days — and nights — pining for a romantic companion? Why aren’t we content living presently with our friends? I’ll be the first to admit I contemplate staying in for the night every time I get a Snapchat from the current you-know-who studying in the library on a Thursday night...even when I’m already three shots deep and on my way out the door. But why? We shouldn’t be disappointed if our night out ends with Dominos on our dorm room floor laughing with our friends instead of doing you-know-what with you-know-who. Spending time with our friends shouldn’t be a backup option. Strong friendships require time, effort, and nurturing—the same way romantic relationships do.

Young adulthood and one’s college years should focus on cultivating lifelong friendships rather than collecting tenuous flings. Especially in today’s society, entering womanhood means so much more than laying the foundations for marriage. In an era where the average age of marriage is getting later and later and half of all these marriages end in divorce, it’s outright bizarre that some semblance of this notion still exists. Instead of pining for a romantic companion, we should pine for a strong support system and self-fulfillment—and if we already have these, we shouldn’t take them for granted.

Of course, this is not to be pessimistic and understate the importance a romantic partner can play in one’s life. Rather, it is to emphasize the role friendship plays in our lives as young women. Too often, female friendship is portrayed in TV shows and movies as catty, jealous, flimsy, and worst of all, insubstantial. Likewise, friendship is too often portrayed as the backdrop for romance: always the side story, never the story. Why must Cady end up with Aaron Samuels at the end of Mean Girls? Surely the film would still be an American classic (don’t @ me, definitely one of the best movies ever made) without the traditional boy-girl “happily ever after.” Indeed, the message of the movie—to cherish your true friends and yourself—would have been further emphasized without the traditional romantic happily ever after. It would have taught us from a young age that we should be content with and cherish our friends and ourselves.

So maybe my happily ever after includes a loving husband, a crisp summer night, and a delicious bottle of wine. But it would be incomplete without brunch the next morning with my friends, who have and will continue to support me through absolutely everything.

By Haley Raphael

Duke student, decisively indecisive, 30 year old mother in the body of a teenager.