Affirmations

It’s 9 AM and my alarm is blaring. Its heinous sound rips through my dreams and my hands mindlessly move to silence it. After a brief moment of denial, I sit up in bed and start my morning routine, scrolling through Instagram, responding to messages and opening Snapchats.

Upon opening Instagram, I cannot help but to get sucked in. I am enveloped by the bright beautiful images of my peers and friends and then again by the influencers and models. S.B. visited the High Line in New York City and of course her jumpsuit fits her perfectly. B.C. lounged by the pool reading and tanning. I swear she is summer body goals. I.F. was at a boujee rooftop party in the city with glowing, flawless skin.

I find my thoughts wandering…are my clothes cute enough? Are they even flattering? How many crunches would I have to do to even get the semblance of abs…let alone how much more cardio do I need to do? How is her skin so perfect? I swear I’ve used every face wash on the market and taken every pill to get perfect skin, so why I have two new pimples every week?

It’s now 9:45. I have successfully wasted almost an hour. Getting out of bed with a sigh, I go downstairs to make breakfast and turn on the last hour of the Today Show. Once boredom strikes and the Today Show ends, I head back upstairs to change before getting coffee. While figuring out the perfect “out-for-coffee” outfit, I can’t help but stare in the mirror, conjuring up any and every imperfection I see in myself.

I take a deep breath and pull on my jean skirt and white tank. As I put on my makeup, I reassure myself that I am pretty, pushing out negative comparisons that pop into my head. My clothes are cute, and my skin will clear up (it’s just a hormonal break out…give it a week).

At noon, I find myself pulling into the drive through. As I wait for my turn to order, I cannot help but look at myself in the mirrors (I know, so vain). I begin to readjust my hair and fix anything I can before I have to pull up to the window.

At 6 PM, I go to meet my friends for dinner. Before that, however, I’m sucked into the world of YouTube. Maggie’s vlog then Emma’s “What I eat in a day” then Gretchen’s summer clothing haul then Tess’s daily makeup routine. Once again, I find myself comparing my habits, appearance and lifestyle to these women that I don’t even know.

As I drive to dinner, I plan what I’ll eat and what workout I’ll do tomorrow to get my life back on track.  Before getting out of the car, I brush my hair (I keep a hair brush in the glove box for a reason) and fix any smudged makeup…as if my friends have never seen me without makeup first thing in the morning.

After dinner and dessert, I’m back at home. While I get ready for bed, I look in the mirror and again, my thoughts wander. What can I fix? What can’t I fix?

Putting on my moisturizer and spot treatment I think to myself, you know what, I am beautiful. Doing one last scroll of Instagram in bed, I don’t find myself making comparisons anymore. I feel content with my appearance and who I am.

Though it may seem silly and small, the positive reassurance of looking in the mirror sticks with me through the day. Each time I venture back onto Instagram, I have to remind myself of all the things I like about myself, and each time I look in the mirror, I remind myself of those things. It’s okay that it’s not natural for me to feel confident all the time, especially when I’m blitzed with images of models and influencers every day.

One self-affirmation is all it takes to make a difference, because one self-affirmation is all it takes to set you on a journey of self-love and confidence.

By Lilly Delehanty

Duke Student, pink purveyor and resident expert on surviving and thriving.