Lessons I’ve Learned in College

1. Let change happen.

My high school self? Never met her. To be fair, I didn’t carry all that many high school friends with me to college, just by virtue of my personality. But, my high school self and my current self are radically different, and I am beyond grateful for that (but don’t get me wrong, I’m still thankful for the old me. She went through and overcame a lot).

I’ve spent a lot of time growing into the person I am now, and I project that I will spend my entire life growing into the person I want to be. The past two years have been a period of radical change for me and though it was painful at times, I have come out much stronger and much more independent.

2. Spend time with yourself.

Your relationship with yourself is the most important one you have. Take yourself on dates and buy yourself dinner because no one’s going to treat you the way you can treat you.

You are allowed to prioritize yourself. Really, you should prioritize yourself. I spent so much time making myself a second choice and I didn’t realize how hard that had been on me until I decided to choose me. Choose yourself and keep choosing yourself.

At the end of the day, you’re the only person you have to live with.

3. Redefine your comfort zone.

I’m socially anxious. The concept of approaching people is absolutely horrifying to me, so naturally the concept of meeting friends in college was daunting.

I had to make a deal with myself. For the first week of school, anyone I made eye contact with, I would introduce myself to. That’s what I had to do; that’s what it took to expand my comfort zone looked like.

Get uncomfortable first so you can be comfortable later.

4. People will leave. Let them.

For starters, why would you want someone in your life who doesn’t want to be there? You kick ass, and you should surround yourself with people who feel the same.

But outside of that, trying to convince someone to remain in your life is draining. The people who love you do not need to be persuaded.

5. On that note, learn when to hold on and when to let go.

Learn your limits. Know when to demand more and know when to let go.

Trust yourself – you know when you still have fight left in you and you know when enough is enough.  
 

6. Don’t settle.

Allow yourself to grow into a self-assured person and raise your expectations. If you’re in a relationship - romantic or platonic - that constantly exhausts you, it’s okay to reevaluate. You’re allowed to be picky. You’re allowed to surround yourself only with people lift you higher and love you well. On the other side of that, constantly assess the effort you are putting into your relationships. If you feel like you’re sidelining an important relationship, focus your efforts there.

One of the best conversations I’ve had in college was with one of my closest friends who let me know I hadn’t made her feel important in my life. Sometimes, you need to hear that. If you have people in your life who are willing to talk you through your faults, hold on to them.

7. Say yes.

Want to study together at a cafe? Yes.

Want to go see Incredibles 2? Yes.

Want to go get margaritas? Hell yes.

But by saying yes, you’re opening yourself to a world of possibilities. If you want to say no, think about why. Is it an excuse or is it a reason? If it’s an excuse, you know what to do.  

When I consider things I regret, most (if not all) of them happened when I chose not to do something.

Is that cliche? Yes. ;)

But, do I really mean it? Absolutely.

 

8. It’s okay if your path is not linear.

Pro tip: no one actually knows what they’re doing. If you need to change your major, do that. If you need to drop an extracurricular, do that. If you need to do that one thing that you always wanted to do, please do that.

Diagonal is still forward. Slow is still forward. Even what feels like going backward is still forward. Don’t expect to get from point A to point B as the crow flies.

Give yourself grace.

9. Don’t forget that you’re in college.

These might be the last years before you enter the real world. You have the rest of your life to be stressed - remember to weigh the importance of the things you are doing.

Sit back and assess regularly. Make sure you are doing things that you enjoy and not just zeroing in on academics. Join the Quidditch team. Write for the school newspaper. Try every pasta restaurant in the area with your best friends.

In 10 years, or 20, or 50, what do you want your experience to look like?

By Bella Townsend

UC Berkeley student, poetry enthusiast and firm believer in Taco Tuesday