Feelin’ 22 and… Then What?

Image by Miguel Ferreria

Twenty-two seems like one of the most insignificant years in your twenties. The year prior you partied hard when you turned 21, and the year after, 23, you are approaching your mid-twenties and the college years become memories. 

Having what seemed to me to be one of my best and most important birthdays—21—mid-pandemic and amidst quarantine, I didn’t have high hopes for 22. 

We put far too much pressure on birthdays. They never live up to expectations and leave us wanting more or just feeling disappointed. While we want these days to be spectacular and memorable, in reality they are just another day. It seems sad, but my days have been vastly better without a label of expectation and 22 is a prime example.

Thing went wrong, further wrong than I ever could have imagined and started my day miserable. And that’s okay. Was it ideal? Absolutely not, but I put my chin up and made do. I’d lowered any standards or stakes I had for the day in order to not care. I knew my entire 22nd year was something I had looked forward to since I was 13 and I wouldn’t let one day skew the whole year.

Taylor Swift dropped her hit “22” in October of 2012 and I had glamorized my 22nd year since then. And quite frankly, she described this weird in-between year in the absolute best way, because yeah, we are “happy, free, confused, and lonely in the best way.” This song was an anthem I carried with me from middle school through college, up until I could finally try and relate to the song I’d cherished for years to come.

22 is weird and odd. I’m an adult. I’ve technically been an adult since 18, but I feel like an adult now. College is nearing the end and the real world is looming and it’s one of the last birthdays where I’m not 100% responsible for myself. I’m lost and confused, but in a good way.

Our 22nd year is in limbo. We want to go out with friends until midnight, dancing and screaming, and as Taylor says, forget about all the heartbreaks for just one night. However, we are on the cusp of true adulthood and we crave security in knowing what we are going to do, whether that be regarding a career, relationship, family or education — or maybe just wanting to know what we do works out.

Whether she meant to or not, Taylor’s song shaped the goals I had for my 22nd. Here I am 22 years (and 1, maybe 4 weeks when this comes out) old. It’s been a brutal start to the year. While I wanted to be dancing until midnight (and I did the night before), I already have a taste of the security I hope to find in the coming years and spent my birthday on a work trip. 

If I am honest, which I try my hardest to be, I wasn’t 100% excited about this weekend trip for work. However, my discontent was disproved within the hour I arrived. Being around people who are equally as passionate and eager as you are for change is exhilarating and makes me love what I do, it makes me want to work and be around these people 24/7. I was reminded why I love advocacy work and helping others so much and was reassured that I hadn’t made a monumental mistake and this was in fact what I wanted to do with my life. 

Two years ago, I would have pitied myself far more than I did this year for working on my birthday, and that’s okay. I also would have been disappointed I wasn’t dating someone and spent my birthday “alone.” 22 is channeling the inner excitement to be with friends and be out until the morning dancing the night away, saying yes to some things we may regret, but also being okay with the moment. It’s about learning to be okay with being alone and loving yourself. It’s been a slow progress for me to simply be content in the moment, but we are getting there and this year is a part of that gradual growth.

Did I picture 22 to look like this when I dreamt of this year in 2012? No, not quite. I’m sure I had hoped to woo a boyband member and live out my college years in a big city, but this too will do. I had nearly nine years to wait, but I’m positive my 13-year-old self would be proud of who is sitting here today.

If you’re feeling this way too you’re not alone. It’s a scary time and that’s okay to admit. Slowly but surely, things will fall into place and our fears will melt away. And soon enough, we’ll be happy, free, confused and lonely in the best way.

By Emma Bittner

Rom-Com fanatic and coffee connoisseur with a little bit of "I wanna save the world" in me.