Mama Witch Interviews: Part 2
In 2019, we interviewed our badass mama witches for Mother’s Dayand heard from them about their lives as women and mothers. This year we asked them some new questions. Hear from some experienced mama witches about life, womanhood, and motherhood.
Anjali + Sara Chanda
I have always loved how dedicated my mother is. She is a go-getter. She knows what she wants, how she’s going to get it, and what it will take to get there. It’s intimidating, definitely, but there is no doubt how inspiring it is. She makes me want to be ambitious and to want more out of life.
What has Mother’s Day meant to you over the years?
I’ve always enjoyed Mother’s Day, partly because my mom made it more about her family than about her. And to this day, at the age of 75, she still makes it about everyone else, especially her daughters who now have their own children. She would always make brunch and it gave us the opportunity to spend quality time as a family. There was the occasional time my dad would take us out but, in the end, having that special time at home meant more to me.
How did you maintain your individual identity with children / a family?
As many know, raising a family is a rewarding, challenging, monumental job and one that can’t be taken lightly. Your time is no longer yours and you must learn to share everything at all times. I’ve been blessed to have an amazing husband, loving parents and supportive family and friends around me for much of my adult life. This network of incredible individuals has provided solace and time away when I’ve needed time to recharge.
Over the years, I’ve sought time for myself each day – whether a run or an exercise class, or a coffee with a friend. I was blessed to take time off to be with my children for 7 years. While truly a gift, I did feel lost initially, not knowing where I fit or how to identify myself. As the kids got a bit older, I fell into a comfortable routine, feeling like I had mastered the art of motherhood, get the errands down, drop kids at school, keep a tidy house, rake, shovel, cook. But many days turned into weeks, months and years, and when I look back, while it seems like an eternity of sameness, these are the little gifts bestowed on us each day when our children are small. So insignificant a nap, a story, a push on the swing, and all the firsts…but one day, they grow up, and those noises become a deafening silence…a hushed whisper when a son talks to his girlfriend, or a faint noise as a daughter returns after a night out with friends.
So, I offer this little piece of advice a mentor of mine gave to me when I became a mother 20 years ago: Enjoy the moments. Simple, concise and powerful. How she knew all that I would face and, in that time, how quick those minutes turn into years. Try to be present for those simple days of what seems like endless banter with a toddler or negotiations with a grader schooler. One day, they grow up. While it seems slow and subtle at first, you’re never ready for it, no matter how many children you have or how many times you’ve been through it before.
What advice do you have for young women today?
Don’t be afraid to take a risk or a chance on yourself. Women by nature tend to take care of others and in our society, that has been the expectation. Advocating for yourself should not be something rarely done or looked down upon. It should be encouraged and celebrated. As a mother, we raise our children, no matter how they identify themselves, to be confident, respectful human beings. And that should hold true throughout their lives.
Isabella + Annmarie Buoscio
My favorite thing about my Mom is her ability to stay grounded. Over the years she has learned how to be confident and comfortable with who she is as a person in any situation. My Mom will always speak up for what is right and is authentic in all her relationships. When I am spiraling, I can look to my Mom for guidance on how to recenter myself.
What has Mother's Day meant to you over the years?
As a child, it felt like an obligation. As a young mother, I grew into using it as a day for genuine appreciation for my own mother. As I aged, I wanted it to be more playful and fun for my kids rather than carrying a sense of obligation. I like to get outside and take a walk, or ride a bike. I think now it's a day that I can honor other females that are mothers but also myself. We deserve it!
How did you maintain your individual identity with children and a family?
I stayed grounded with who I was. I knew exactly what I wanted to be when I had kids. This tied in fairly well because my background was in social work and early childhood education. I left my accounting business to pursue my passions at the Children's Justice Center of Utah. My work with the CJC aligned with raising my kids. Motherhood was joyful and fun for me. I also continued to pursue yoga or reading or going out with friends while still investing in my children and family, individual wellness, mindfulness, and wellbeing. I never stopped my education of self. I love learning new things about myself and the world.
What advice do you have for young women today?
If your dream is to get married, then so be it, but take the time to pursue and develop your interests and your lifestyle before getting too deeply involved with someone else's. That takes longer than you think. You think you're so smart when you're 21, but everything looks different when you are 27. There may be opportunities you have to put on hold or you can't invest all of your time into your solo pursuits if you have a family. Well, a spouse…. there is power in two... but you don't have to get married to have power. Take your time to look at all the aspects of who you are as you develop as an adult. It takes time to build your relationships, whether they be professional, social, or emotional. Don't cut any short by getting married and having family. Family is wonderful but it can quickly and greatly take over other aspects of life.Who inspires you?
Right now? June Osborne on the Handmaid's Tale. I don't know.. the Mindfulness app? The book of happiness with Desmond Tutu? I'll have to sleep on this one. Okay, I have a better answer. Jane Addams, the Mother of Social Work.
Lindsey + Dana Staub
Having a mom that doubles as a full-time psychologist has presented its fair share of rewards and challenges. Watching my mom work has instilled in me the importance of education, ambition, and self-sufficiency for women, but she also has been known to approach one of my complaints from an analytical perspective, bringing up psychotherapeutic terms that completely go over my head. Still, everyday, I am inspired by her: by her drive, her love, her understanding, her commitment, her silliness, and her positivity.
Every day, I think about how lucky I am that I have the mom that I have. You make me the proudest daughter in the world, Mom. I love you so much.
How would you describe motherhood to someone who is not a mother?
Wow, that's hard because I don't think you really know what it's like until you are a mother. I think you can hear about it, you can read about it, you can see your own mother, but I think until you're actually a mother, you don't really get all the dimensions of it. But I think it's probably the most amazing experience one can have.
Being a mother is a wonderful thing to be, but I also have great respect for women who don't want to be mothers. Women get a lot of pressure to have children and to be a mother, so I have respect for women who choose not to do that. We really need to be kinder amongst ourselves, whether you're a single mom, a working mom, a stay-at-home mom, or not a mom. There's not just one way to be a woman.Who inspires you?
My daughters inspire me because they remind me to be in the present moment. They make me laugh and make me find joy and remind me not to take things too seriously. My women friends that are older have been maternal figures for me. My relationship with my own mother was very complicated, so I always sought to have relationships with older women who would be mentors to me, and throughout my life, I've been very fortunate to have women who have been that for me.
One of the things I unfortunately learned is that, because of my mom's own limitations, she wasn't able to really be there in necessary ways. At a very early age, I — on some level, maybe it was unconscious — knew that I had to seek out older individuals that could provide me comfort or wisdom or interest. I think that's also why I got into therapy in my early twenties. That relationship with my first therapist Nicole, who was a pretty important figure, not only impacted me professionally because that's when I went back to graduate school, but she also did a lot of re-mothering for me.
I think several people have influenced the kind of mother I am today. My good friend Joanne, who is older than I am and a mother and now a grandmother. She has been a huge part of that. One of my first supervisors, Vicky, was also. As I mentioned, Nicole. I think it's been a collage of women. It has not been one woman: it's been a compilation of many women.How did you maintain your individual identity while having children?
I was certainly an older mother, which I think allowed me to maintain my identity because I was a professional, I was self-employed, I had a practice, I had an already formulated identity. I think being a therapist actually contributed to my ability to be a mother, and I think being a mother contributed to my work. I had an intellectual understanding from an academic point of view of child development, attachment, and what, hopefully, good enough mothering meant. I think that informed my desire and ability to be a mother. Similarly, being a mother widened my ability to feel on a very profound level because the experience of having a child deepens you on an emotional level.
We love the women who raised us and hope you all cherish your moms and mother figures this Mother’s Day.