Confessions of an Ex-Model
The spotlight was always where I felt most comfortable. From the young age of 7, I would put on impromptu performances with my younger sister or pretend to be newscasters reading out the breaking stories of the day while my dad filmed with his camcorder. Coordination was never my thing, because what comes with being a string bean is very little control of my limbs.
Once I hit puberty and my legs became longer than most boys in my grade at the time, I started getting noticed. Scouts would approach my mom in the grocery store parking lot, asking if I was signed to a talent agency, and my mom would without fail shoo them away. She didn’t want her little brace-faced teenage daughter to get sucked into such a superficial world.
Then, at age 15, everything changed. I went to a One Direction concert with my family and this time, the agent approached me, gave me her card, and said I should really consider modeling. At this time, I was obsessed with social media and all the big name models, especially Kendall Jenner, and was actually intrigued to maybe enter the world of fashion.
I was so excited about the prospect of becoming a ~fashion model~ and being given my very own spotlight at each photo shoot, fashion show, and magazine spread I would become a part of. My parents and I sat down and figured out some ground rules: I could only sign with an agency big enough that my Midwestern parents had heard of it, if I got weird about my looks or body and started falling into unhealthy habits my parents would immediately pull me out, and all my money I made would go into my college fund.
It was actually my boyfriend at the time who encouraged me to sign with Ford, and after reluctantly submitting my application to Emily Ratajkowski’s agency at the time, I anxiously awaited a response.
Sure enough, at 6 a.m. the next morning, I got an email from Jonny, one of the nicest people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting and the man who scouted me. I went up to Los Angeles the next week and signed a three-year contract with Ford.
In this column I hope to explore my different experiences I had with modeling. The negativity that surrounds the fashion world, with the eating disorders, sexual assaults, and overall catty vibes from fellow models were never anything I experienced. Ford consistently supported me and knew I always placed school as my first priority. With that being said, walking around Downtown Los Angeles in figure-hugging clothes and high heels got me into some weird instances and not everyone I met was as bubbly as I was.
Overall, modeling offered me an outlet. It gave me a world away from my grade of 45 people and let me express myself in ways I had never dreamed of. Never having been the crafty type, posing in front of the camera with all of the artistic licensing I was given made me feel powerful and happy. There is a kind of high I experienced in front of the flashing lights of the DSLR snapping away at me.
I always knew I would never pursue modeling as a career but being able to have that artistic freedom and to experience such a secret and fun world during high school is something that I will always treasure. I hope to explore the ups and downs, some of my favorite memories, and some insight from my friends who stayed with modeling and who quit like me.
Modeling was always going to be a phase in my life but the more people ask me if I will ever go back to it, the more I reminisce about the times, the glamorous and the sketchy, that so little people really understand.
By Alex Hansen
UC Berkeley student, lover of carbs, and proclaimed knower of all rap lyrics
