Octo-Woman

Nothing gives me more satisfaction than being busy. Please don’t get me wrong – I still love my share of lazy days lounging in bed and not having a care in the world; I can sit and go through as many episodes as it takes until Netflix checks in that I want to continue watching and am, in fact, not dead. But, those special days are reserved for summertime or specific weekends. During the week and especially during the academic year, I love being on-the-go. Keeping myself busy keeps me motivated.

Part of me believes that this is my organizational side creeping out from hiding – satisfaction from checking off boxes on my to do list is only part of it. I even started bullet journaling this past year because it seemed like a good format to organize my thoughts. My minimalist, clean structuring leaves plenty of room for notes, to do lists and monthly calendar spreads to plan out the big events I have coming up.

My mother taught me organization. She instilled in me what could almost be considered a fear – if I do not get all my work done as soon as humanly possible then I never will. Therefore, I was that kid who would do all of their homework the night it was assigned. Procrastination was never a part of my vocabulary. And let me tell you, I was not well liked for it. I once tried to convince a friend that I had procrastinated on an essay by writing it the night before it was due, but, to my disappointment her only response was that my example didn’t count because I had written an outline two weeks prior and picked out quotes the following week.

I desperately cling to the necessity of organization because of the amount of activities I participate in on a daily basis: I am a full time student at a challenging liberal arts college, I am student athlete competing for my institution, I am a Community Advisor (residence hall advisor, coordinator, whatever you want to call it) managing 30 students, and I hold a work-study job on the side to help with financial aid. All of these activities don’t leave me much free time, so it is imperative that I stay on top of my work. As my amount of free time shrinks it requires me to block out the times which I am busy, leaving me easily disheartened. Seeing the three-hour chunk of “free time” which I know will be dedicated to homework makes my shoulders slump and head drop into my hands. But, it is also all a part of the process. Working towards a larger goal makes the menial everyday tasks more rewarding and fulfilling.

It can be difficult to balance academics and extra-curriculars on its own but throwing your own social life into the mix makes things even more complicated. I have struggled during my time in college to balance all aspects of my life but always found friendships the most tedious. Splitting my time between two worlds, one where I am competitive and am working towards a larger goal and another where I am more social and laid back becomes difficult when each group requires different versions of me, especially in the same day. Half of the time I feel as though each group resents me (even if it is the tiniest bit) for spending time with the other. I can’t mark a check-box and think of a task as completed – friendships involve humans and humans have are complex and require undivided time and attention…humans have emotions. These relationships require work on both ends and rarely blossom overnight. Trust must be built and a sense of comfort and reliability must serve as a foundation. Personally, I need my friendships to function 110% all the time. I want to show my friends how much I care but it does not always feel doable when my schedule doesn’t quite give me the time I want.  

I know I will ultimately be happier at the end of the day when I feel balanced. While my days don’t always end balanced, I know that I am putting in the effort and there isn’t much else that I can do. I know that I am doing my part. While all of these facets of my life can feel burdening at times, at the end of the day I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love my friends and I love the things that I do. Each part of my life fulfills me in a different way and I am so incredibly thankful that I am afforded the opportunity to participate in such activities. No matter how busy I get, or how tired I am as a result, I am proud to consider myself an octo-woman.

Xoxo,

Anna

By Anna Billy

Music snob, over-protective mom-friend, and avocado toast connoisseur.