Pushing Myself Out There
As my parents drove away on move-in day freshman year, I did everything I could to hold back my tears. As I stood alone in my room, I took a deep, calming breath and prepped myself for the orientation activities that were about to begin. For the first time in my life I was truly alone. With another deep breath and a quick glance in the mirror I began to make my solo trek to my first orientation event of the evening. In all honesty, that first night at school was nothing short of difficult.
As I made my way from my new dorm, I began to notice all the friendships that had begun to form. People paired off with their roommates, friends from high school, and peers from pre-orientation programs. The wave of loneliness suddenly crashed upon me again. I did not partake in a pre-orientation program, none of my high school friends were at the same university as me, and it was quickly pretty obvious that my roommate and I did not exactly see eye to eye.
I was going to have to go against my social nature and put myself out there. I was going to have to play the role of the extrovert—even though all my life I had been known as shy, introverted, reserved.
That first night at university, I cried alone in my room. The second I got back to my dorm room, the tears began to stream down my cheeks and I could not stop them. I had spent the entire night introducing myself to my peers around me, trying to form any kind of connection. I was exhausted by my rather unsuccessful efforts. I had depleted myself of any energy, and I had not made any connections that felt meaningful or fruitful.
Upon waking up the next morning I knew despite my failed attempts the night before I was going to have to try this putting myself out there thing again. To my delight, my nonstop efforts of introducing myself to my peers and trying to strike up conversations led me to some of my best friends to this day. That second night of school I did not cry, but rather I spent my time getting to know these new found friends.
I quickly began to realize that putting myself out there was not going to end with freshmen year. Making new friends and connections does not end after the first couple of weeks of freshman year. There are always new people to meet. Without the initial courage to put myself out there, I would not have met my best friends and I would not have traveled to Iceland for spring break, tented out for basketball tickets, or powered through my difficult classes.
Branching out will always intimidate me. Putting myself on the line will always be daunting. But branching out is essential. College is the time to try new things and meet new people. Throughout my time in college so far, I have met numerous people, joined various clubs and activities, tried classes in I don’t even know how many different subjects. While each of these steps have felt overwhelming, I know I would not be who I am without them.
The thing is, branching out and putting myself out there will never cease to be important. If I listen to the reluctant shy and reserved girl always, I will constantly miss out on friendships, job opportunities, and life experiences. While acting the part of the extrovert never gets easier, each time I do, the shy girl inside of me screams just a little bit, but in the end the benefits will always outweigh the short term discomfort.
By Lilly Delehanty
Duke Student, pink purveyor and resident expert on surviving and thriving.