Realistic Forms of Self-Care

Self-care is a bit of a buzzword nowadays, especially within colleges and especially within groups of college girls. It’s a trend that evolved quickly and has changed in the years that it has been popular. What is self-care? Is it putting on a face mask and drawing a bubble bath? Is it watching a Disney movie and eating ice cream? Perhaps it’s working out or listening to a podcast? I decided to have several conversations with my girlfriends leading with the question: What do you do for self-care?

What I found really wasn’t that surprising, because it reinforced the age-old idea that everyone is different. What individuals do to take care of themselves is different. Self-care has evolved past the idea of taking bubble baths in order to forget your problems. These days, there are so many other things that girls think of doing in order to take care of themselves. Practices can range from morning routines, to meditation or working out, to simple rewards.

Morning and evening routines are popular for those that dislike instability or too much change. Instability could stem from moving a lot—every year or semester because of a new living arrangement—or changing your classes every few months. Routines can help root you in the moment and create a space that you know will always be there. Ways to create a solid daily routine include making yourself breakfast every morning, doing yoga before bed, or even just washing your face when you wake up.

Certain issues can arise from having too strict of a routine, though. You can get a bit too rigid or you can begin to expect too much too much of yourself. Doing the same things everyday can get monotonous. The important part is to allow your routine, like everything else in life, to have just enough flexibility or fluidity that you can still try something new if the opportunity arises. The other issue, expecting too much, is very common when you’re “starting fresh.” For example, at New Year's you make a million resolutions and try to implement them all into your daily routine, which might just set you up for failure. This can happen at the beginning or end of a semester, or even just a time when you feel the need to make drastic changes. It’s totally valid to want healthier habits in your life, but the key is to take your time and add little bits at a time, so as not to overwhelm or tire yourself and then quit on all of them. Forgiving yourself is important.

Mindfulness is a huge topic these days. At NYU, we even have an entire department dedicated to it and many colleges offer the same. Meditation is a great way to calm yourself down, relax, and ground yourself in the moment. This, as everything, looks different for everyone. Perhaps you like to take yoga classes with other people, or maybe you prefer to meditate for five minutes in the morning using one of the many mediation apps available (Headspace, Relax With Andrew Johnson). The important thing is to find what works for you. Do whatever you need to do to ground yourself and feel more calm. Yoga or other forms of working out are good for your mental and physical health, and there are so many ways to participate in it - free videos online, classes offered by universities, or attending a gym/yoga studio. Keep in mind that exercise isn’t everyone’s preferred form of self-care. Just like with routines, it’s important not to force yourself to work out for the wrong reasons - like thinking you won’t look good if you don’t. You’re beautiful, and doing yoga or other exercises should be a way to make you feel good, not “fix” yourself.

Lastly, we have simple rewards. This is probably more like the traditional image of self-care that you might be used to. Bubble baths, face masks, chocolate ice cream… you know what I’m talking about. Though self-care has evolved past just rewards, they’re still a valid way to take care of yourself. A big consideration, however, is these things don’t fix everything - and it’s important to remember that. But there’s nothing wrong with treating yourself to a nice dinner or taking a break from studying to take a walk outside. There must be a reason to work as hard as we all do and rewarding ourselves reminds us of that reason. Rewards can be scary, especially if you’re trying to eat super healthy, or get a huge assignment done instead of watching your favorite show. You just have to have a balance. Work your ass off, but treat yourself appropriately. And never feel bad or punish yourself for doing that. You deserve it.

I heard a great piece of advice from my therapist once. I was complaining about my chocolate cookie addiction. I work out a lot, I explained, and occasionally I’ll buy myself a pack of cookies because I feel that I’ve earned it. The problem is, I’ll eat too many of them and then I’ll start hating myself, complaining about how they’ll make me look. And the truly wonderful woman I was talking to told me something that utterly changed how I felt about myself: “Imagine you have a daughter, or a friend, and you give her some cookies. She eats several of them and enjoys it, do you then tell her she’d better be careful or else she’ll get fat? Or that now she has to workout to make up for that treat?” The answer is no. It’s sad that we have to imagine we’re talking to someone else in order to get the love and respect that we ourselves deserve, but I’ve found that it’s really helped the way I treat myself.

The most important part of self-care is being aware of what you need. Whether that be a routine, yoga, cake, a girls night out, a phone call to your mom, or scheduling a therapy session… Be self-aware. Treat yourself the way you would treat another woman in your life. Remember that you are deserving of love and respect, not just from other people, but from yourself, no matter what you ate that day, how much homework you got done, or whether or not you exercised.

By Kirsten Lootens

NYU Student with a passion for books, ice cream, and traveling.