So There's This Boy

What’s great about writing is the ease in blurring of real and fantasy. Readers never truly know what is real and what is fake unless the author clearly states one way or another. Refer to icons Carrie Bradshaw and/or Caroline Calloway, who I will attempt to channel, with their seamless ability to blur these lines. I’m going to tell you a story, but I’m not going to tell you what’s real and what’s fake.

So, there’s this boy… we met through a friend. He’s tall and handsome with dark chestnut hair. I wasn’t into it at first, but, our roles eventually reversed. It’s rough being the one more invested in the relationship. Anyways, he grew on me, to say the least.

“So, there’s this boy,” I text my mom as soon as I smell trouble (a.k.a attachment). We’ve been spending a lot of time together; he makes me laugh and I think he’s become my best friend. He holds me when I cry and talks me through the dark stuff. I know he’s genuine, I can just tell. He doesn’t open up easily, but I’ve been slowly chipping away at it. Playing the long game, some would say.

So, there’s this boy…I think we’re a “thing?” We’re exclusive but not officially dating. I commonly refer to him as “my boy,” “my (insert name here),” and “my exclusive partner” (jokes on the last one -- I never said this seriously but it does describe our situation the best). I tried to explain this particular relationship status to my mom the other day and she simply could not comprehend that it’s a social norm at school. It’s “not natural and just creates problems,” she told me. In her day, you either didn’t hangout or you were dating. That makes the most sense, right? Not in college. Not now. There’s a gray area halfway between casually “hooking up” and using the labeling it “boyfriend/girlfriend.” In case you are not familiar -- although I think all college-aged kids are--I will describe this “the twilight zone.”

In the twilight zone, person 1 (let’s name her Angela) and person 2 (Craig) have been consistently “hooking up” for a few weeks now. There hasn’t been a week where Angela and Craig go home separately after a party. They even hangout during the day…sober. At this point they have also had the exclusivity conversation; they have both decided to not hook up with other people. But Angela is now wondering if Craig will ever make a real commitment or if this “relationship” is going nowhere. Craig mostly avoids the subject or says, ‘he’s not ready yet’, but ‘maybe in the future.’

That’s a dangerous statement. You have officially entered…the twilight zone. The future is full of unknown. How soon in the future will you solidify your relationship? A few weeks? A few months? A YEAR? NEVER? Way to keep it ambiguous Craig, very tricky.

Anyways, Angela starts to experience chronic stress regarding her relationship with Craig. She’s not fond of feeling uncertain about his feelings or where their relationship stands (not many people are). Craig, please just tell her, it’s not that hard. Angela’s anxiety has now reached new heights. She confronted Craig, but alas Craig is still not ready for a real relationship and they ‘take a step’ a.k.a ‘end it.’

Now Angela thinks she’s crazy. She and Craig were only a ‘thing,’ so why is she so upset about it ending? Her confusion stems from the ambiguity of the twilight zone; a source of stress, confusion, and very few successful relationships.

So, there’s this boy… and I care about him to an alarming extent. I find myself doing anything for him. But we’re just friends.

‘Why don’t you two just date?’  You might ask.

It wouldn’t work out, not right now.

‘Maybe in the future?’ You hope. *cue theme song.*

“Just friends” is not completely accurate, but now we don’t talk anymore and it’s for the best. Maybe we will again soon or maybe we won’t. It’s very unclear. Is there an end to this gray area in the future or is Craig a lost cause? I don’t know, sorry Angela.

We should start a support group.

By Arden Schraff

Duke Student, mental health activist and resident goddess making Insta casual.