Summertime Sadness

Image by Dan Gold

Since the pandemic began, I've been jealous of the birds that migrate south every winter and travel to never-before-visited places.

It seems comical to be jealous of migrating birds. Still, since being quarantined within my campus apartment's beige walls, I can't help but dream of narrow roads in Rome, drinking beer in Pilsen, or even trying to debunk rumors of toilets flushing counterclockwise in Australia. The mundane nature of pandemic life has reignited my desire to travel and encounter the unknown — or do anything other than join a Zoom call.

The four walls of my small apartment bedroom seemed more suffocating than usual after my summer study abroad was cancelled for the second year in a row. Deep down I knew it would be cancelled — there are dozens of reasons that traveling isn’t necessary right now — but I was holding onto a small sliver of hope. The summer months of my planner now sit empty and glum. I’m holding back from marking down internship application deadlines and when the fall semester begins, I’ll be replacing the white out stains that hide my study abroad arrival and departure.

I’m not alone in hoping that summer will have some sense of normalcy other than the standard 100 degree days in Texas. There are whispers of full vaccinations and vaccine availability will open up to all adults on May 1st. However, I still feel uneasy. The last year has left me jaded and I think it’s borderline pointless to make plans for summer when deep down, I know they will be canceled and I’ll be left disappointed.

After another full semester on Zoom University, I’m burnt out and can feel it drastically impacting my mental health. I’m restless and nothing seems to excite me anymore, and now summer doesn’t even seem to entice me. While I have free time from classes, my days will still be spent confined to my apartment and catching a break from the summer heat.

Not having plans for the summer isn’t the end of the world. There are plenty of ways to safely enjoy our second COVID-19 summer, but it’s still disappointing. Students are on the edge of their seats waiting for well-deserved breaks from class, yet when our scenery doesn’t change and it’s still a waiting game for classes to circle back around, it isn’t much of a break.

While I’m mostly pessimistic and seem to have given up on summer, a small part of me is holding on for better days. I’m hopeful that everyone who can and wants to get vaccinated is able to. I’m hopeful that with precautions, a sense of normalcy may return. I’m hopeful that I can have spontaneous summer plans without worrying about contracting COVID-19 and spreading it to family and friends.

Only time will tell what summer looks like. While there is a glimmer of hope, I’m going to err on the side of caution. I’m staying dormant to prevent setting myself up for disappointment. 

It’s comforting to know that one day we will return to traveling and going on with our daily lives without being ridden with anxiety and fear. That day may not be now or even soon, but we too will travel to never before visited places for a brief moment in time.

By Emma Bittner

Rom-Com fanatic and coffee connoisseur with a little bit of "I wanna save the world" in me.

Cover image: @chandler55