A Ticking Clock
On November 5, 2019, Vogue UK released an interview with Emma Watson about her life at 30. Because Watson was ushered into the spotlight at just nine years old with her role in the Harry Potter series, her life has been on display to the public for the last 20 years. In the interview, Watson discussed her life as a single woman and the pressure she often feels to settle down and start a family.
Even as such a well-known public figure, she still experiences the impending dread women often feel about approaching their thirties, and despite Watson’s enormous success, there is still a lurking fear of failure or disappointment when there isn’t a marriage or a committed relationship by that time. Women view their 30th birthdays as a finish line, and once they reach this point it’s almost as if they’re out of time.
Growing up, my mom emphasized the importance of starting a family and finding “the one.” My parents married when they were 24, and they had me only a few years later, but my mom often talked about how starting a family was the best thing that ever happened to her. She, like so many others, was raised to believe that her most important life goal should be to find a husband and become a mother, and that is exactly what she sought to do when she met my dad.
As my mom now approaches 50, she tells me she regrets settling in her marriage. She wasn’t able to enjoy her time as a single woman without fearing for her future. She felt rushed into finding a husband and having children.
As women, it seems our value is often placed on our ability to start a family. We’re raised to value love and marriage above almost all else. Despite success in our careers, if we don’t achieve this by a certain point, it’s as though we’ve failed as women. We rush through our twenties, searching for the perfect partner to complete us, and in the meantime we forget to enjoy our opportunity to be independent.
Men, on the other hand, are able to enjoy their lives as bachelors regardless of their marital status for, essentially, their entire lives. There’s no pressure to settle down; there’s no ticking clock warning them of their dwindling time to find the perfect partner. They can focus on themselves without worrying about when they will commit to a relationship, and without fear of judgement. As this is not the case for women, the question is: why has this become a unique aspect of our experience?
We grow up with expectations of what our lives should look like—our future spouses, our homes, our children—and if these exact expectations aren’t met on the timeline presented to us, we feel out of place. These ideas are encouraged from childhood by family members, our parents, friends, etc. so it’s no wonder that the question of love and marriage becomes such a prominent issue. It becomes much less of a choice, and more like measurement of success on a deadline.
What I loved most about Watson’s interview with Vogue UK was how comforting it felt to hear such a renowned celebrity discuss her personal difficulties with love and dating. As she openly talked about her life as a happy “self-partnered” woman, as well as her struggles with overcoming the pressure she feels to find her partner, she spoke to so many women who feel a similar urgency to commit to a relationship.
The real takeaway from her interview is that she presents that feminism means having a choice. As women, we have the opportunity to decide whether we want to marry or not. We get to decide if we would rather focus on ourselves and our careers rather than future children. There’s no correct way to live our lives and there are no set guidelines that tell us when we need to get married, who we should marry, or if we must have a partner at all. As women, we create the lives we want to live without judgement from anyone else or fear of falling out of place.
By Madelyn Fink
Journalism major, avid baker, lover of yoga, and dedicated plant mom