Self-Conceit Isn't Self-Care

We live in the self-care era, it seems, which is a good thing. Until it’s not. 

I recognize the oxymoronic nature of that statement, but unfortunately there is a point where self-care and wellness activities lose their meaning. 

There’s a fine line between meaningful and meaningless self-care, and social media only blurs that line. I would argue there are two main types of self-care.

The first type is the type that is genuinely, at its core, for you. You (and only you) truly know what this is for you – whether it’s watching your favorite movie from when you were little or eating cookie dough out of the sleeve (or anything in between). Whatever it is, it gives you the warm fuzzies and it fuels you when you’re really going through it. This type of self-care is also the day-to-day stuff – the little things you do to try to keep yourself motivated, healthy, and happy. This is the type of self-care where you really are taking care of yourself. 

This is not the type I want to talk about. 

The second type is not for you. The second type is what you label as self-care but is actually destructive or excusatory behaviors. This is where it loses its meaning and can invalidate the real forms of wellness. 

Calling behaviors like spending money above your means or drinking excessively “self-care” does not make them meaningful and it also does not excuse them. Putting on a facemask and calling it “self-care” in an effort to balance out destructive behavior misses the point. Posting selfies with cucumbers over your eyes in an effort to show others how well you’re doing and captioning them “self-care” does not make it self-care. 

I say this knowing full well that I use “self-care” as a blanket statement for things I want to do, even when I know they’re not my wisest decisions. (I know good and well that I, too, am a culprit of indulging in meaningless wellness behaviors). 

I will clarify, however, that I am not saying you cannot do whatever you want. I am not here to regulate or persecute. And the examples I use can only come from my experiences or the experiences of those I love. All I am trying to say is that calling these types of behaviors (like doing whatever you want) “self-care” devalues the importance of actual wellness. 

And wellness is important. Especially in an era where social media and constant comparison rule many of our lives. We are constantly told who we should be and where we should go and what we should be doing, and it’s incredibly easy to feel lost or confused in our own skin. Taking care of ourselves is crucial for us to continue moving forward in a world where there is so much chaos. 

The bottom line is that behaviors that do not actually take care of or benefit you are not self-care. As simple as that might sound, breaking it down and recognizing our own excusatory behavior is still difficult. 

Using “self-care” as a blanket term for behaviors that don’t serve that purpose only lessens the seriousness of wellness. So let’s make an effort to actually take care of ourselves. 

By Bella Townsend

UC Berkeley student, poetry enthusiast and firm believer in Taco Tuesday