Young Adulthood

Let’s talk about adulthood.

This is a topic I feel completely, entirely, absolutely unqualified to talk about, which is precisely why I’m going to do it.

As a college student, I find myself stuck in a weird middle space between adolescence and dependency and adulthood and independence. Somehow, in the four years I will attend the University of California, Berkeley, I am supposed to transform from my teenage years into a full-fledged ‘adult.’ How horrifying is that?

And what’s more than that is that as a young adult now in 2018, I am faced with the complicated question of what adulthood even looks like with traditional markers that are harder to distinguish.

Before I get into that more, I want to backtrack to what made me start thinking about this in the first place. I study sociology and I absolutely adore it. Learning about social interactions and the structure of society enamors me. Recently in one of my classes, we read about how the structure of adulthood is shifting away from having traditional markers, such as marriage and home-ownership. Dots started connecting in my head that I didn’t even know needed connecting. I suddenly started spiraling down the rabbit hole.

Does being an adult mean having an answer to “what are you going to do with a degree in [insert your major here]?” Does it mean financial independence and a corporate job fresh out of graduation? Does it still mean marriage or homeownership? And does it really start at 18?

I surely did not feel like an adult at 18 and I sometimes feel even less like an adult now, which begs the question of how we define adulthood.

And now, the whole point of why I’m writing this: if adulthood does not take shapes like owning a home, what does it look like?

I don’t feel like an adult in the traditional sense of the word, but in the context we live in, I feel like I may be getting there. I can make doctor appointments and I know how to refill my prescriptions. I can do my laundry and I filed a W-2 for my job. I voted in two elections. I choose my own classes and I apply to jobs that I want to apply to. I cannot see myself being able to afford a house in the near future, but I don’t think that is the only marker of adulthood anymore, so I no longer feel like I need to define myself by that.  

Many times, being an “adult” can feel like a crushing weight of responsibilities and expectations. It is confusing trying to figure out what to do with the rest of your life at 20 years old, and it is difficult negotiating this new era of adulthood. I find myself struggling with this desire to prove myself, but I don’t even know to whom. Feeling stuck in a limbo where in some situations I am treated like a child and in others I am treated like an adult is a hard line to navigate.

But, it doesn’t always have to feel that way. This week, two of my best friends and I drove to the Jelly Belly Factory simply because we wanted to. We all had really difficult weeks and collectively decided that a factory tour would lift our spirits. So, we went. It is incredibly easy to get swept away in this stressful, linear model of adulthood and forget to embrace the power we do have to make our own decisions.

My version of adulthood may be entirely different than yours, but that is just the point. We need to embrace the differences between us and stop judging people whose lives look different than our own (or our parents). Adulthood is dynamics, and it takes all kinds of forms.

Lean into your brand of adulthood and do not let anyone make you feel small. You are mighty and no one can take that away from you.  

By Bella Townsend

UC Berkeley student, poetry enthusiast and firm believer in Taco Tuesday