College in COVID-19

Before I left Boston, COVID-19 felt like a rumor. It was a distant problem I had yet to be affected by. It hadn’t entered my world yet. I packed a carry-on suitcase’s worth of clothes and belongings to go home for spring break and had no doubt in my mind that I would once again see my sophomore dorm, my roommate, and all of my new friends. I thought sophomore year would resume just as naturally as it began.

I was wrong.

Writing this made me feel naïve and privileged. But, at the same time, I hate to be that harsh on myself. During midterms, I did not consume as much news, talk to as many people, or take scrolling through Twitter as seriously as I typically would. Instead, my mind was occupied with business stats, Simone de Beauvoir, and the fundamentals of public relations.

Halfway through my spring break, Boston University made classes online until mid-April. I had no textbooks, none of my written notes, and a lot of feelings.

Now, BU is officially online for the rest of the semester, meaning I am not even allowed to return to my dorm to get my stuff. I was lucky enough to have a friend there that could pick up a few important belongings for me and ship them across the country, but the remainder of my clothes, books, and memories will be packed away by a stranger until I return back to campus.

Amidst the craziness and the uncertainty of everything because of COVID-19, I felt nothing for a while. I was so stunned by the news that it felt unreal for a while. My anxious thoughts were pushed into the back corner of my mind and my fear turned into paralysis – I didn’t want to do anything at all. Any motivation I previously had completely left my system. I felt uneasy.

But I also understand and recognize my privileges and fortunes during this time.

I am incredibly thankful that I am safe and healthy and so are my loved ones. The first week of Zoom classes, I also got to clear out my childhood bedroom and turn it into my workspace, my sleeping space, and my relaxation space. I took distracting and unwanted things off my walls. I made a mental note that my desk is the only place I would do my online work; all the “fun” things I do on my computer, like watch Netflix or YouTube, I would do anywhere but at the desk. By 5 PM, I would cut myself off from school and allow myself to breathe, considering I now have to get up at 7 AM for my classes starting at 10 AM EST. Separating my bedroom into different zones, giving myself a small space where I work on certain tasks and leaving my phone in a bag (in my closet) simulate real school and has helped immensely with the transition to stay-at-home life.

Staying at home helps others who are immunocompromised. Staying at home shows love, compassion, and empathy to those in your community. Staying at home helps flatten the curve, which in turn will help life move back to normalcy.

Being in sunny California has also allowed me to stretch out my legs and soak up some light and warmth in the middle of the day when schoolwork, work-work, e-socialization, or just being in the same room staring at Zoom Uni gets to be too much. The majority of my time is now spent reminding myself of what I am thankful for and all of the aspects of my new lifestyle and environment that make things easier for me. Also, everyone—and I mean literally everyone—will be affected by this virus by the end of it, whether that be physically, mentally, or emotionally (or all of the above). Remembering that everyone is affected by the virus in similar tones makes life feel a little less lonely, while also teaching me to have a little more empathy.

I just finished my first week of classes. Online school is really hitting hard with essays and tests quickly approaching. Everything still feels like the sci-fi novels I used to read in bulk, too. So, I’m trying to not be tough on myself. So much is out of my hands, as much as the Type-A, color-coding-planner in me hates it. I lack control over the situation, I lack complete knowledge of what’s going on, and sometimes I lack just feeling like myself, but I know none of this is my fault and that I must remember to be kind to myself.

The impact of COVID-19 will take time to heal, but this is not everyone’s forever, as long as we all do our part to control the spread of something we cannot see. Practicing self-quarantining and social distancing is all we can do on a daily basis.

So, for now, I’ll continue putting on my blue-light classes at 7 AM, and with a hot cup of coffee in hand, I will try to make every day a new day. A new day that starts with small attempts at productivity. A new day that I allow myself to sleep in for once. A new day that I send $5 to a charity to help people who are struggling right now. A new day that begins with some things that help me in small ways to better instill a positive attitude for the next day, good momentum, and a good heart.

By Harper Wayne

BU Student, self-published author, and an enthusiastic thrifter with a soft spot for rainy days.