Valentine’s Day has passed, Pisces season has commenced, and the spring Equinox is coming up on March 19. There’s been a lull in festivities, and with this, I’ve found myself falling into a bit of a winter slump. To cheer up, I love turning to guilty pleasures...namely The Bachelor and horoscopes. Naturally, we curated horoscopes here at Coven just for you. Want to know what to expect for the remainder of this winter season? Need a new standup special, music, or rom-coms recommendations? Look no further.

PISCES (February 19 - March 20)

General Description: The Pisces is a creative sign with an appreciation for the power of the human mind. They approach others with a non-judgemental stance, but carry themselves with a strong moral system and stick to their ideas of what is right versus wrong. If you’re ever in need of a good heart-to-heart chat, a Pisces is the person to go to. They are alluring speakers capable of drawing in people’s attention, and thrive in group settings, but need their alone time as well. This alone time serves as an opportunity for Pisces to get in touch with their thoughts and imagination, which contribute greatly to their creativity and artistic capacity.

Winter Szn Horoscope: Happy birthday Pisces! Whether your birthday has just passed or it’s just coming up, we at the Coven want to wish you the happiest of birthdays. You’ve been one busy bee this winter season, and with all of the once-in-a-lifetime opportunities that have come your way, it’s been hard to get everything you want. If you need help, ASK for it. Otherwise, you run the risk of working harder, not smarter. With Mercury in retrograde until March 10, take some time to consider your goals and how realistic they are. The first retrograde of 2020 has been undeniably foggy, but use your birthday season to go on an adventure and wish away those winter blues. Push through Pisces, because spring will come with some much-needed cheer.

Standup special worth noting: She-dragons gather ‘round for Iliza Schlesinger’s Elder Millennial. Oh, and one thing before you do...anticipate goat-noises and bird calls. Don’t ask, just watch.

Rom-Com Rec: Equally romantic and entertaining, The Princess Bride has a whimsical storyline that’s easy to lose yourself in.

A tune to hum along to: With the intensity this winter season has had in store for you, now is a time to relax and let loose. Have a solo dance party, grooving along to Client Liaison’s Off White Limousine, or lay in bed and hum along to Copilot, by Tōth.

ARIES (March 21 - April 19)

General Description: Aries are firecrackers that love the thrill of competition. This intelligent and loyal sign brings the intensity of their ruling planet, Mars, to everything they do; they will give their all to winning, and are extremely committed to achieving any goals they set their minds to, only satisfied when these goals are fully met. The intensity that these goals demand can be exhausting, which is why it’s crucial that an Aries finds a healthy and effective outlet for their competitive streak, whether it is a sport or learning how to ground themselves and properly meditate. This sign also highly values honesty, so much so that it may sometimes come off as rudeness. But, if an Aries is pleased with your work, they won’t hesitate to let you know.

Winter Szn Horoscope: Aries, right now everything is smooth sailing for you! Your relationships are solid, and you’ve been able to manage obstacles that have popped up at work with great ease, and you’ve been one brilliant problem solver! Make sure you take some time for yourself to recharge. With all of the excitement that comes with this season, it may be easy to lose yourself. Hug your friends and family, and remind them how much you care about them, and if you need it, make the time for some personal R&R. Retrograde may have brought present confusion to light, so take some time to find personal clarity, but your imagination may be supported by retrograde, and now is a great time to pick up an abandoned creative project. No matter what it is that you’re up to, make sure to focus on collaboration toward a common end, even if that requires you to slow down a little bit.

Standup special worth noting: It’s time for dad jokes to step aside and give mom jokes their well-deserved time in the spotlight. Ali Wong sets the gold standard for standup comedy with her Netflix special Hard Knock Wife.

Rom-Com Rec: Aries—are you team Andie Anderson or team Ben Berry? Irrespective of whose side you’re on, sit back, eat some popcorn, and cheer on your favorite character from the comforts of your couch while watching 2000s rom-com classic How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.

A tune to hum along to: With the boost in productivity that you’ve been experiencing, Seven Nation Army by the White Stripes is a great song to get motivated and do your best work! Or have a dance party while jamming out to Cascada’s Everytime We Touch.

TAURUS (April 20 - May 20)

General Description: Bulls are a notoriously stubborn bunch, but it is merely a byproduct of their intense internal drive. This trait comes as a double-edged sword; it makes the Taurus an efficient worker who eagerly gets the job done, but it can also make them set in their ways. Though it is not impossible for a Taurus to change their mind about something, they are definitely not going to change their ways to please others. It is important for the Taurus to relax and permit flexibility. Otherwise, they can have trouble looking past quick first judgements and opinions.

Winter Szn Horoscope: Call a matador, there’s a Bull on the loose! Lately, you’ve been all about power moves, putting plan to action, and right now, there’s nothing standing in your way. But be sure to spend time with the ones that you love. With all of this ambition, they risk being left at the sidelines. Give those you care about most a phone call and remind them how much they mean to you. During retrograde (until March 10), it will be even more important to remember your loved ones, especially if things start to feel like they’re falling apart. Relationships will feel tricky at this time. But don’t get bogged down with the rocky twists and turns of your relationships. Go on an adventure and let your wild side shine Taurus. Now is a great time to get out of your comfort zone! Stay organized and keep your head in the game Taurus, because there will be calm at the end of the storm. March will come in full-force with a positive energy.

Standup special worth noting: Though not stand up, laugh over the idiosyncrasies of life with an episode or two of Seinfeld.

Rom-Com Rec: With its stunning art-deco aesthetic, Crazy Rich Asians is a rom-com that every Venus-ruled Taurus can appreciate.

A tune to hum along to: With all of the intense energies carrying you through your work and social life, remember to take a step back and cool down: Honesty by Pink Sweat$ (one of my favorite R&B artists) is a great way to do just that.

GEMINI (May 21 - June 20)

General Description: This fun-loving sign can be the life of the party because of their glass-half-full approach to life. Twins have a reputation for being two-faced, but don’t misconstrue the Gemini’s commitment to seeing both sides of the story as deceit. Geminis interpret their surroundings by looking at the big picture and are fiercely loyal when it comes to friendships. If you’re looking for someone who will tell you when you’ve got food stuck in your teeth after Taco Tuesday or give you a much-needed hug after a rough day, you can count on a Gemini.

Winter Szn Horoscope: This March is all about collaboration and ~good vibes~ with peers. Your creativity has reached new bounds, and it is a great time to share that with others. Retrograde may have you re-evaluating your professional endeavors, but stay aware of your motivations. Are cold feet holding you back? Consider what factors are driving your instincts and don’t make long-term commitments until you are positive that they are in line with what you truly want. This coming March will bring out your material side, and you may find yourself seeking material goals—especially financially. Budgeting may be boring, but set apart some time at the beginning of March to balance the upcoming month’s budget. With financials under control, you’ll feel accomplished, and it will give you the room to focus on your true values.

Standup special worth noting: Niki Glaser’s Netflix special Bangin’ is an uproariously funny and feminist take on raunchy humor, and I’m HERE for it. Gemini, gather your friends (but maybe not your family) and enjoy the show!

Rom-Com Rec: She’s The Man may not be the most accurate take on Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night and the jokes are admittedly predictable, but that’s arguably the best part of this cheesy movie. Look forward to some iconic lines from Amanda Bynes’ character Viola and ridiculous plot-twists, because this rom-com never gets old.

A tune to hum along to: Dancing and singing are some of the Gemini’s greatest joys, so check out Neil Diamond’s Sweet Caroline, or groove along to the Black Eyed Peas: I Gotta Feeling.

CANCER (June 21 - July 22)

General Description: Cancers are fiercely loyal and are willing to do anything and everything for friends and family. Ruled by the Moon, this dreamy and sentimental sign prioritizes security, which they typically find by spending time with their loved ones—friends and family alike. Because of this, Cancerians take time to get close to people. But time alone is also important for Cancers; this sign prizes individual thought and needs time to dive into their passions, as they can get bored easily in highly structured environments in school or work. Cancers need space to roam and establish their own territory, on their own terms.

Winter Szn Horoscope: January was fast-paced for y’all, and recently you’ve responded by taking a step back and trying to take care of yourself. You’ve gotten some much-needed time for yourself, but with the strong influence Venus has had on you, you’re magnetic. Now is a great time to put yourself out there. If you’re in a relationship, spoil your partner with a special night on the town. If you’re single, now is the prime time for you to meet someone! With Mercury in retrograde, be methodical about steps you take in bringing ideas to fruition. Remember, slow and steady wins the race, and careful strategy will work in your favor.

Standup special worth noting: Michelle Wolf’s special Joke Show is a great representation of how freedom plays to a Cancer’s strengths. This set perfectly captures some of Wolf’s best work.

Rom-Com Rec: There’s no place like Sweet Home Alabama. If you want to celebrate young love, accompany Reese Witherspoon in this classic.

A tune to hum along to: I know how you Cancers feel about sentimentality, so here’s some old classics that will likely bring a smile to your face: Here Comes the Sun by the Beatles, and Miley Cyrus Party in the USA.

LEO (July 23 - August 22)

General Description: Ruled by the Sun, it’s no surprise that Leos are shining stars amongst the Zodiac. With their infectious and alluring energy, Leos make great friends and natural-born leaders. Thanks to their charisma and charm, this sociable sign typically presents with a confidence that can easily be misconstrued as arrogance, but Leos are their own biggest critics, looking at each day as a new opportunity to be the best version of themselves. This sign is a hardworking, committed leader and a generous friend, leaving a mark on everyone they meet.

Winter Szn Horoscope: Leo, right now is the time for you to reevaluate your relationships. Has there been a balance between give and take? If not, reach out and spend some quality time with the ones you care about. Valentine’s Day may be over, but right now is a great time to celebrate that unconditional love you have for your friends and family—if you scour the discount bins, there may still be some discount Valentine’s day chocolates! With Mercury in retrograde right now, you may have revisited people from your past: an ex or an old friend. Feelings may linger, but don’t blindly hand over your trust just because you connected in the past. As for school and work, hold your teammates accountable. If they aren’t getting the job done, let them know what you need from them, and allow them to help you with a job well done.

Standup special worth noting: He accurately captures the frustrations of trying to eat pringles out of a can and gets meta about the entertainment industry...what more could you want? Packed with plenty of his classic musical shtick, Bo Burnham’s Make Happy is the work of a bona fide genius.

Rom-Com Rec: With its iconic Yo Mama jokes, painfully cringe-y dinner scene, and

the Prada bag chase-down, what’s not to love about White Chicks?

A tune to hum along to: Leo, it’s time for a karaoke night: add Hozier’s Take Me to Church and Adele’s Someone Like You to your queue!

VIRGO (August 23 - September 22)

General Description: Ruled by Mercury, this sign is highly contemplative and organized. They constantly strive for perfection in all aspects of their life, decorating their living spaces to Pinterest-perfection and completing everything they commit to with the highest standards. The high expectations that Virgos hold for themselves sometimes carry over to their expectations of others, lending Virgos to be easily disappointed. This sign loves to learn, and they take their time to study the world around them. It can take some time to earn a Virgo’s trust, giving them a “shy sign” reputation But once you earn a Virgo’s trust, you can count on them to be a friend for life.

Winter Szn Horoscope: You’ve been great at coming up with ideas, Virgo, but had a hard time following through with them. This March is the time to put your plans to motion! Your inner perfectionist loves order, so declutter your living space, devices, and anything else that helps you keep your eye on the prize. With this increased motivation your mind is running a mile a minute. You risk getting overwhelmed by the sheer size of your to-do list. If you want to be efficient, make sure to find ways to cool down: sleep in on a Sunday, brunch with some gal pals, spend a day doing absolutely nothing! Retrograde may bring second thoughts about moving forward and diminish your motivation. Ask yourself what’s holding you back. Stand up for what your heart wants, and don’t give up on your goals out of fear.

Standup special worth noting: John Mulaney’s Netflix special Kid Gorgeous at Radio City was the very first standup special I ever watched, and I’ve been a John Mulaney fan ever since. Look forward to his rendition of JJ Bittenbinder’s Street Smarts and his bit on college life. If you want to hear more on Street Smarts after watching the show, you can also find some more tips from Chicago’s very own JJ Bittenbinder on Youtube.

Rom-Com Rec: Virgos are all about practical approach, and will undoubtedly relate to main character Lara Jean, in To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before. If you’ve already seen the first movie, watch the sequel, now out on Netflix!

A tune to hum along to: For the Virgos that need a reminder to sit back and relax, listen to Bruno Mars’ The Lazy Song. If you’re looking for something more lo-fi and electronic, bop along to Jata’s Mephisto.

LIBRA (September 23 - October 22)

General Description: Ruled by Venus, this sign loves to look for the beauty in their surroundings and find the good in all situations. Characterized as the scales, this diplomatic sign always takes the time to look at both sides of the story; they are great at reaching compromise and mediating conflict. Libras love harmony, reflected by the balance between spending time with friends and taking time to themselves. Though they typically appear confident, this sign can sometimes struggle with insecurity and a shaky sense of self, especially because their internal voice can be easily quieted by their environment. In order to be the best version of themselves, Libras need to take time to learn from and fall in love with their inner voice.

Winter Szn Horoscope: Libra—you’ve been spending lots of time in the spotlight lately, but recently it feels like you aren’t truly being seen. Any time you want to have a serious conversation, your intentions are misread and taken lightly. If frustration starts to bubble, take a step back, a few deep breaths, and then proceed. If not, you may be hit with analysis paralysis. Don’t let overthinking hold you back! If this is a repetitive occurrence, take some time to re-evaluate your friendships. Redirect your energy towards friendships that support you. Retrograde happens in your health house. With Mercury, planet of technology, in reverse-orbit you may come down with the flu, and your devices may ~mysteriously~ stop working. (On the first day of retrograde my computer fried, so back up all of your devices my fellow Libras!) Take care of yourself—try not to overexert and stay in touch with your emotions. Once you get through retrograde, expect an onset of motivation and determination...you WILL meet your goals and find harmony in your relationships.

Standup special worth noting: Every time Hasan Minhaj’s Netflix special Homecoming King, I end up laughing and crying all at once. Like a true Libra, Minhaj reminisces about his first high school flame—they were in math together, but they had chemistry. Cheesy, I know, but those were his words, not mine. But underneath this story of young love, Minhaj successfully opens a dialogue about life as a first-generation immigrant in America: the good, the bad, and everything in-between.

Rom-Com Rec: Libras love romance. Period. With resident rom-com (and Super Bowl!) queen JLo, The Wedding Planner reaches the perfect happy ending, and simultaneously weaves in the unrealistic scenes we’ve all come to expect of rom-coms. Plan a Friday night in, and enjoy the statue scene.

A tune to hum along to: Given their love and appreciation of all things beautiful, Libra’s would appreciate Elton John’s 1970s classic Tiny Dancer. Sing along if you can, or sit back and smile while listening to this sweet song. If you’re looking for something from this decade, Adele’s Chasing Pavements just might be up your alley.

SCORPIO (October 23 - November 21)

General Description: Scorpios are passionate trailblazers who value authenticity. This sign demands respect and loyalty from others and will never back down from debates, bringing intensity to everything that they do. This sign is driven by emotion, sometimes to their benefit, but sometimes to a fault. Scorpios to put up a protective wall, but get to know Scorpios and you will soon realize that they are loyal and loving friends, willing to give their all.

Winter Szn Horoscope: You’ve been having a hard time focusing, Scorpio, finding refuge in fantasy in order to run away from the real world. All you’ve wanted to do this winter season was bundle up in blankets next to the fireplace, even though school and work haven’t slowed down. It’s been hard to concentrate lately, but great opportunities will come in the workplace and classroom, and will be accompanied by your classic Scorpio enthusiasm come March. But be careful not to get swept up in the whirlwind of work, and reach out to friends and family to let them know you’re thinking about them. Your confidence will soar as you continue to thrive in the professionally and academically, so push through Scorpio, March will be your month!

Standup special worth noting: Like a true Scorpio, Wanda Sykes balances the political and the personal in her first Netflix special Not Normal. While pointing out some of the bullshit she has seen in today’s political climate, she leaves the audience with the visual of a segway-scooting mall cop accompanying Tiffany Trump in lieu of a Secret Service agent. Phenomenal.

Rom-Com Rec: A new movie to hit the rom-com scene, Always By My Maybe, featuring Ali Wong and a Keanu Reeves interlude, is the perfect combination of romantic, intense, and mildly absurd.

A tune to hum along to: If there’s anyone who would appreciate complex instrumentals, it’s a Scorpio. Stonecutters by DOPE LEMON and Mystik by Tash Sultana are two great songs with equally impressive instrumentals and vocals.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 - December 21)

General Description: The Sag is a fiercely independent sign, unafraid to step away from typical convention and willing to lead others to accomplish shared goals. Ruled by Saturn, this sign loves a good time. Moving around is the Sag’s go-to recreational activity, whether that’s by spending time outdoors, getting involved with sports, or going for a morning spin. If getting outside isn’t an option, the Sag is happy to stay in and read a good mystery novel or watch scare-your-socks-off horror movies. This sign can sometimes come off as blunt because of their emphasis on the truth. They don’t get weighed down by the opinions of others, however, thanks to their confidence.

Winter Szn Horoscope: Hey Sag, it may be wintertime, but as Elsa from Frozen once said, the cold never bothered you anyway. You’ve been on fire lately! Work has kept you busy. Make sure to share your new ideas, because it could bring you a MAJOR payoff—a fat paycheck or a promotion...yes, please! But where there’s fire, there’s burnout. With this burnout manifesting itself as exhaustion, make sure to focus on adding more genuine self-care into your schedule. Take a night for yourself and do whatever you love most: go out for a night on the town with the girls, get cozy with a warm cup of tea and a cheesy movie, or start a new creative side project!

Standup special worth noting: Tiffany Haddish somehow manages to make a phone call with Beyonce’s mom a relatable topic of conversation, and looks back on the 2018 New Year’s Eve Show that she bombed during her Netflix special Black Mitzvah. If that New Year’s performance left you with any doubts about Haddish’s comedic genius, watch this special.

Rom-Com Rec: Going to another country for the holidays and falling in love on vacation is the perfect Sagittarian romance. If this isn’t something you can realistically do during the school year, live vicariously through Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslet while watching The Holiday.

A tune to hum along to: Dance all night long to the high energy and electronic beats of French artist Jain. Makeba is an ode to South African civil rights activist Miriam Makeba with a stunning music video to accompany it. Don’t sleep on Mr. Johnson, either. If you’re a music nerd like me, listen closely for Afro-caribbean rhythms, French techno, and Middle Eastern percussion. Pitbull can relinquish the ‘Mr. Worldwide’ title, because Jain is the true ‘Ms. Worldwide.’

CAPRICORN (December 22 - January 19)

General Description: Caps aren’t about wishful thinking...they’re suckers for a practical approach. Ruled by Saturn, this intelligent and hardworking sign finds comfort in rules and order and takes control of the future by working hard for what they want. Simply put, they know how to grind. This ability to clearly outline goals gives Capricorns an attractive and appealing energy, naturally pushing them to leadership. But Caps must be careful: this goal-oriented sign can easily burn out. Their tenacity is a double-edged sword, helping them rise up to a challenge, but also making it extremely difficult for them to stand down and surrender.

Winter Szn Horoscope: Hey Cap, I know this month has felt dry. After all the time January gave you to take a step back and reflect, and determine your best next steps, February has not felt particularly eventful. Even though it feels a bit dry, with Mars moving into Sagittarius, you may feel tempted to fight for what you believe in, but it is important that you stay cool should any conflict arise. Assert yourself, but be careful as you do so, and make sure not to hurt anyone in the process. When it comes to relationships, your mind has been open and conversation has been easy, but be careful with your heart, and try to maintain objectivity in decision-making. March may hold some unexpected obstacles, but you WILL get past them, as long as you remind yourself of your long-term goals. Now is a time to keep your loved ones close and remember what you stand for.

Tunes to Sing Along to: With the slowdown in pace that has come with February, it’s time for you to have some fun and throw your own dance party with WALK THE MOON’s Shut Up and Dance! Or if you want to get into your feels, Lana Del Ray’s Summertime Sadness is always a great option.

Standup Specials worth noting: If you’re looking for something thought-provoking, Hannah Gadsby’s Nanette is right up your alley. Her personal meditation turns standup on its head and is nothing short of beautiful. Do bear in mind that this provocative set takes time to digest. Like a good read, it leaves you with something to think about. Even after watching it twice, I have yet to fully grasp Gadsby’s message. If you’re looking for a lighter special and guaranteed laughs, Seth Meyers’ Lobby Baby is a cute and heart-warmingly endearing ode to his wife that’s definitely worth a watch.

Rom-Com Rec: Julia Stiles. Heath Ledger. The detention scene. I could list 10 things I love about 10 Things I Hate About You, but I’ll stop spoiling the movie and let you appreciate this iconic take on Shakespeare’s Taming of the Shrew yourself.

AQUARIUS (January 20 - February 18)

General Description: Both social butterflies and deeply contemplative, Aquarians are a contradictory bunch, and I mean that in the best way possible. Aquarians thrive in social scenes with their passion, warmth, and capacity to treat all peers as equals, but this sign needs its space, too. Observant and intellectual, Aquarians present themselves as composed and cognizant of their surroundings. Creative Aquarians often have great ideas but sometimes struggle to bring them to fruition out of fear of not being good enough. With sidekicks who encourage them to follow through with said ideas, Aquarians have the potential to be true trailblazers.

Winter Szn Horoscope: The Sun recently exited Aquarius, but the past month gave you a much-needed energy boost. Now's the time to go on a solo adventure, or finish that project you’ve been putting off. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, now is the time to hang out with your loved ones, and a new partnership may begin just in time for the beginning of spring! Mercury has been in retrograde since February 16th, and with this, you’ve noticed areas of your life where you need clarity. So until retrograde ends on March 10, take time to reflect, kick bad habits should you need to, and make decisions accordingly. With the boost in energy, you will have the strength to make changes and decisions as you see fit, Aquarius. It is time to embrace the new!

Standup specials worth noting: If you’re looking for witty, thought-provoking musings, check out Chris Rock’s Tamborine (2018). If you’re looking for something a tad more PG (okay, a lot more PG), consider Ellen Degeneres’s Relatable.

Rom-Com Rec: Aquarians realize that love comes in all different forms and will undoubtedly appreciate Love Actually. Though the movie is Christmas-themed, the stories are seasonless.

A tune to hum along to: Get lost in thought and serenity with Challengers, a pretty acoustic by the New Pornographers. If you’re feeling adventurous, James Blake’s Retrograde is a shining example of what I like to call electronic brain food.

By Anita Mukherjee

Spring Horoscopes