Faith of All Kinds

The holidays are an interesting time of year for my family. With my father, who converted to the Episcopalian faith in his fifties, and my mother, who has Jewish roots, I find myself caught between two religions and my own belief system. I grew up going to church on Sundays and Temple on High Holidays; however, I never connected to any sermon. I found religion to be less of a place of solace and more of a place of anxiety. All the Pastors and Rabbis I encountered made me feel as though there was a “right” way to be – a “correct” religion.

The reliance on figures and mythologies to lead a person to solace is something I’ve always found odd. Community, family, and friendships are much more meaningful to me and my existence as a person. However, I understand the dichotomy in this bold claim – religious organizations serve as communities and help foster relationships. But to me, using a third-party figure to garner that connection seems antithetical to the definition of a relationship. I do not feel as though I will be enlightened, or my problems will be solved because Jesus said so. I need to work through those feelings on my own and use my friends and family as support. Having a Rabbi or a priest tell me that being Jewish or being Christian will save my soul does not give me solace. Therefore, wildly uncomfortable with these experiences growing up, I resorted to agnosticism.

My family has always celebrated both Christmas and Hannukah, sometimes with the two holidays overlapping depending on the calendar year. When I was young, naïve, and unaware of religion’s implication on my life, I reveled in celebrating both – I got more presents, what wasn’t to love? I felt special and enjoyed telling my friends about my family’s unique tradition. I would excitedly discuss, smiling ear to ear, shopping for a new ornament to put on our tree each Christmas season. Or I would show friends The Barenaked Ladies holiday album, specifically track four, “Hannukah Blessings,” to share the special lyrics singing Jewish blessings and prayers. I would describe how my family stood in front of the fireplace with our homemade menorah, arms wrapped around one another, while we lit a candle each night.

To this day, I am still unsure how I feel about the holidays. Going home holds new meaning every time – after my grandparents’ passing, we no longer drive out to their house to open presents. Does that mean our tradition of seeing a late afternoon movie and then going out for Chinese food changes too? What I am confident in is that I feel overwhelmed with joy and love for the life I live. I am grateful to have parents who care for and support me; I appreciate the friends who have stayed by my side and have supported me through thick and thin; I marvel at the amount of generosity, kindness, and love which can occur in everyday interactions. The holidays leave me feeling lucky to be a part of this Coven community and to have the opportunity to share my words with you. No matter what your personal holiday experience may be, maybe Coven can be your sanctuary.

xoxo 5eva witches

-Anna

By Anna Billy

Music snob, over-protective mom-friend, and avocado toast connoisseur.