To All the Rom-Coms I've Loved Before

If you have been on any social media as of late, I would be surprised if you have not at least heard of one of Netflix’s new movies, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before. If not, you’re definitely missing out. Log into your account (or whoever’s Netflix you are mooching off of) and start watching because To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before is the start of the new era of the romantic comedy.

Now, I am an admittedly HUGE rom-com girl, so I may be ever so slightly biased. However, because I have seen my fair share of movies in said category, I like to think my opinion holds a little weight. To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before feels modern with the societally relevant trends that are referred to throughout the script, like Gen’s outdated Ugg boots. Also, the protagonist, Lara Jean is an Asian woman rather than a white woman. However, the fact that she is Asian is not a defining character trait or plot point, she is simply the leading lady who happens to be Korean. However, the film’s roots are planted in the past—the plot is centered around the problems that arise when the protagonist, Lara Jean’s, secret handwritten love letters to her past crushes are sent out. Definitely not a common occurrence in the age of smartphones and social media. By incorporating these classic rom-com nuances, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before seamlessly pulls John Hughes into the 21st century.

As Lara Jean and Peter Kavinsky’s (her cutesy love interest) chemistry stole my heart, watching this movie also provided a much-needed lesson, similar to the ones laden in John Hughes’ hit rom-coms. Lara Jean and Peter come from different cliques; Peter is a popular, sought-after lacrosse player and Lara Jean is an average, shy, smart girl… major nods to Pretty in Pink. Yet, the two still manage to find that they have not only insane chemistry but also a lot in common. However, none of this would not have been realized if Lara Jean’s letters had not been sent, forcing her to be emotionally open to the world and people around her.

Emotional vulnerability is no easy feat. It takes courage to bare it all, and Lara Jean perfectly displays this. She demonstrates something many of us can relate to: an acute fear of emotional intimacy and openness stemming from a fear of getting hurt. She found it easier to write all her emotions in letters and then neatly hide them away in a box kept in the back of her closet. She refused to admit her feelings for Peter not only to herself, but to everyone around her. Once she did open herself up emotionally, Lara Jean was set free from the walls she built up and was able to finally admit all the truths she had been denying. As someone who finds it hard to really open up to people, it was kind of a wakeup call for me to tear down my emotional walls and open up to those around me, whether those people be my friends, family, or significant others.

This vulnerability, however, can be extremely difficult, especially in a time where appearances and image are everything. When a person considers their status and image to be essential characteristics, honesty and intimacy in relationships can be nearly impossible; honesty falls to the wayside as the desire to support a favorable public image increases. Take the mean girl, Gen, for example. Gen is the image of popularity. She is beautiful, has tons of friends, and follows all the latest trends. But she isn’t satisfied by any of this. On top of that, it’s only at the end of the movie that she opens up and admits to Lara Jean that she is not as tough as she pretends to be, revealing that the girl who has it all doesn’t have it all, at all. She may be popular, but she isn’t happy. While Gen is obviously not supposed to be favorable, she too taught me something. Gen showed me that it is probably a lot more freeing to take a couple days of the week and go to class in athleisure and no make-up. Maybe if I cared a little less about my Instagram presence or looking good all the time I’d have a little more freedom and a little less stress.

While, yes, rom-coms may be a little unrealistic, I like to believe that we can learn a thing or two from them. Emotions, love, human nature…it’s all there. Or maybe that’s just the romantic in me. So, this one goes out to all the rom-coms I’ve loved before – thank you for not only providing me with countless hours of entertainment, but for teaching me a little bit about the world and a little bit more about myself.  

By Lilly Delehanty

Duke Student, pink purveyor and resident expert on surviving and thriving.