Spades of Kate

Let’s face it: being a woman in the year 2018 isn’t exactly a walk in the park. We’re students, we’re friends, we’re daughters. We’re writers, we’re entrepreneurs, we’re artists, we’re bosses and we’re responsible yet also just trying to make it to Friday. Some days we identify with one of these personalities more than the others. Some days we pretend that we’re superheroes that are all of them at once. Regardless of what changes, one thing always remains the same: we’re busy. And we’re all just trying to figure it out.

Somewhere in that balancing act, something gets lost in translation. When you value your friends, your family and your work highly, you want to do it all. You have to, right? Everyone sacrifices something to make it work. More often than not, that something is usually eating, sleeping, exercising, or having some time to yourself.

It’s normal to prioritize the things that are important to you. Our generation tends to prioritize anything and everything over our own wellbeing. We could not possibly be doing ourselves a bigger disservice than putting ourselves last.

Wellness is, as any dictionary definition would tell you, the conscious, self-directed, and evolving process of becoming aware of what you need to achieve your best mental, physical and spiritual state of being.

I started college as the stereotypical frenzied and overwhelmed student. Everything I thought I knew about who I was, what I liked, and what I wanted to do with my life was put into question almost immediately, leaving me as a living, breathing ball of stress and existentialism. Know the feeling?

I drove myself to the breaking point by having experiences I thought “normal college students” were supposed to have: binge drinking, 3 AM pizzas, mindless hookups, sorority recruitment, and going out and getting my fiesta on four or five days a week. That may be some people’s definitions of paradise. And that’s awesome, all the power and pizza to them! But it wasn’t mine.

I was so consumed with the idea of “discovering myself” and settling into my newfound sense of freedom, that I had completely abandoned a lot of my personal values, goals, and sense of identity. Being lost, unsure, and confused is part of life, but changing yourself to the point of not being “you” anymore doesn’t have to be.

I woke up in November of this past year feeling like I was being jolted from a nightmare. I realized that I didn’t really like the way alcohol made me feel. I realized that my long strings of one-night stands made me feel used and detached, and my fear of vulnerability and loneliness leaving me settling with using them as replacements love and intimacy. I realized that the people who I pounded shots with on Wednesday through Saturday didn’t know the first thing about me. I realized that I didn’t know the first thing about me.

This doesn’t mean Kate Spade was double-fisting alcohol and pizzas every midnight, but it serves as one example that we all have our own shit going on. Some may have it worse than others, but each of us deserves love, support and validation while we navigate the overwhelming box of chocolates this generation has thrown at us—because everyone else is too.  We all have moments of self-doubt. We all have those simple moments of feeling uncomfortable or questionable in our own skin. This doesn’t suggest that’s what drove Kate to suicide. But it begs to question why the hell we still pretend it doesn’t happen when it happens to all of us for even the merest of minutes each day. For a generation trying to “live our best lives,” why do we let such a normal part of those lives prevent us from doing just that? 

You may be driven. Open-minded. Compassionate. Understanding. But you are complex. You are a person. You are worthy. You may know who you are. You may not. You may question both. But you are enough. 

In the midst of your busy days, overflowing with deadlines, brunch plans, and overly justified procrastination sessions (yes, we see you - you’re not fooling anyone), all we ask is that you stop everything and take a moment. Ask yourself: “Is there anything that I need? Have I taken care of myself today? In this current moment, am I genuinely happy?”

Your answers may differ from day to day, or even from hour to hour. But that’s okay. Because just like anyone else on this planet, you deserve to be taken care of. Be the heroes to your own stories. No one knows them better than you. Embrace how far you are from the finish line and make an adventure out of your search for truth. We’ll be right here cheering you on the whole way through. Be well. Be you.

By Sabrina Maciariello

Duke Student, wellness columnist and avocado connoisseur on the right side of the toast trend.